My Own Thin Place

On November 27, 2002, the veil between my world and God’s thinned and I glimpsed His glory.

Rachel Faith was born just after midnight. Blue and still, she gasped twice and was gone.  We held visitation Thanksgiving evening, her funeral the day after. My heart was shattered and crushed into fine dust, blown and scattered to all parts of the earth… irreparable.

First Thessalonians 5:16-18 says, “Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.” Be joyful Rachel died? Pray—in vain? Give thanks for what? This was God’s will?

I blamed myself. However, in John 9, Jesus said, "Neither this man nor his parents sinned, but this happened so that the work of God might be displayed in his life." Oh! This happened for God's glory.

“Be joyful always.” Yes, I could rejoice. Through my heartbreak, God brought healing to others. A friend held Rachel and said good-bye to a baby she had lost. A young woman chose not to abort her child. Rejoice? Yes!

“Pray continually.” I did, though I struggled. God knew my desires and the Holy Spirit interceded when I could manage only a moan.

“Give thanks in all circumstances for this is God’s will.” Had Rachel survived, she would have faced surgeries, paralysis, cognitive compromise. She was graciously spared such struggle.

Rachel’s birthday is near Thanksgiving and I have many reasons to give thanks. “I thank Christ Jesus our Lord, who has given me strength, that he considered me faithful” (I Timothy 1:12).  

*Revised excerpt from "Ready for the Storm" article published in Winter 2008 Living With Loss and May 2008 McKinney Kids.This version was inspired by Mary DeMuth's memoir, Thin Places.