My Own Thin Place

On November 27, 2002, the veil between my world and God’s thinned and I glimpsed His glory.

Rachel Faith was born just after midnight. Blue and still, she gasped twice and was gone.  We held visitation Thanksgiving evening, her funeral the day after. My heart was shattered and crushed into fine dust, blown and scattered to all parts of the earth… irreparable.

First Thessalonians 5:16-18 says, “Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.” Be joyful Rachel died? Pray—in vain? Give thanks for what? This was God’s will?

I blamed myself. However, in John 9, Jesus said, "Neither this man nor his parents sinned, but this happened so that the work of God might be displayed in his life." Oh! This happened for God's glory.

“Be joyful always.” Yes, I could rejoice. Through my heartbreak, God brought healing to others. A friend held Rachel and said good-bye to a baby she had lost. A young woman chose not to abort her child. Rejoice? Yes!

“Pray continually.” I did, though I struggled. God knew my desires and the Holy Spirit interceded when I could manage only a moan.

“Give thanks in all circumstances for this is God’s will.” Had Rachel survived, she would have faced surgeries, paralysis, cognitive compromise. She was graciously spared such struggle.

Rachel’s birthday is near Thanksgiving and I have many reasons to give thanks. “I thank Christ Jesus our Lord, who has given me strength, that he considered me faithful” (I Timothy 1:12).  

*Revised excerpt from "Ready for the Storm" article published in Winter 2008 Living With Loss and May 2008 McKinney Kids.This version was inspired by Mary DeMuth's memoir, Thin Places.

Mary DeMuth's Thin Places

If thin places are those moments in which we are allowed to peer through the veil and glimpse God’s grace, then Mary DeMuth’s Thin Places is itself such an experience.

With this moving memoir, author Mary DeMuth struggles to make sense of her life, to find answers to all the whys. Why was she molested? Why did her father die? Why did her stepdads leave? Why didn’t her mother love her more? The weight of personal violation burdens her shoulders. The grief of fatherly loss shatters her heart. The glare of the victim target illuminates her shame. Mary frets about incompetence until she reaches that thin place of acceptance and realizes that despite many deep and lasting emotional injuries, God is more than capable of restoring and making her whole. For He is all she needs.

God repairs wounds. He pacifies sorrow. He fills voids.

I share Mary’s brokenness. I too am flawed, helplessly selfish, needy, and clay-footed, as Mary describes herself on page 100. Though, thankfully, I have not been physically assaulted, I certainly have experienced ample portions of pain. And what I realize, the blessing I receive from Mary’s message, is that I need to stop attempting to fix those broken areas myself. I know that God is all I need, but I don’t always allow Him to BE all I need.

I have been a Christian most of my life. Although I am no longer an infant Christian, sometimes I still crave pure spiritual milk so I may taste that the Lord is good (1 Peter 2:2). Thin places remind me that I am ever in a state of maturing. Thin Places quenches my thirst.

A line from an old movie states, “I gave her my heart; she gave me a pen.” Mary DeMuth gave Jesus her heart and He gave her a pen. However, unlike the breakup scene of that film, Jesus’ gift to Mary was not meant to cover up a wound. His pen—or computer—enables Mary to expose human frailty and to reveal God’s grace to the world. Of the effects of her writing, Mary says, “I could say my writing is all for me, and it’d be a hint of truth…He shows me that my paltry words touch others…All I can say is: let the healing begin” (DeMuth, p. 70). For this reader it has.

Thank you, Mary, for allowing God to work through you in this mighty way. Thank you for reliving these memories, for recording the challenges of your life, and for offering your transparency as a thin place.



Compensation Disclosure: I received a copy of this book in exchange for reviewing it on my blog.